Romney’s Top 10 Excuses

At the Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner in Washington, D.C. the other night, Mitt Romney gave his “Top 10 Reasons for Dropping Out of the Race.” I thought they were actually pretty funny and worth reprinting for anyone that missed them. They are:

10. There weren’t as many Osmonds as I thought.
9. I got tired of corkscrew landings under sniper fire.
8. As a lifelong hunter, I didn’t want to miss the start of the varmint season.
7. There wasn’t room for two Christian leaders.
6. I was upset that no one had bothered to search my passport files.
5. I needed an excuse to get fat, grow a beard and win the Nobel prize.
4. I took a bad fall at a campaign rally and broke my hair.
3. I wanted to finally take off that dark suit and tie, and kick back in a light-colored suit and tie.
2. Once my wife Ann realized I couldn’t win, my fundraising dried up.
1. There was a miscalculation in our theory: “As Utah goes, so goes the nation.”

And for a little more fun, I found the Top 10 List that aired on the David Letterman show back in February that gave their top 10 reasons Mitt Romney dropped out. You’ll have to let me know which you think is better. Here’s the David Letterman list:

10. Harsh Midwest weather was murder on his split ends
9. Wants to devote more time to his rap persona P. Mitty
8. Polls show public doesn’t want a president who looks like a casino greeter
7. Just couldn’t compete with the Ron Paul juggernaut
6. Unveiling a new line of honey-roasted romnuts
5. That b****** Zogby had it in for him
4. Apparently America is not ready for a white male president
3. No Number 3—writer suffering from Mitt withdrawal
2. There was that little problem of nobody voting for him
1. Lost all of his money betting on the Patriots