A Bad Memory

I was reminded today of one of my weaknesses that I also consider a blessing. It is having a bad memory. I tend to forget stories and experiences that others can remember vividly. This is especially frustrating to me when people are reminiscing childhood stories that I wish I could join in on. The plus side though is that I can also forget when someone has done me wrong. Once I had a conversation where the person said to me, “don’t you remember how badly they treated you back then?” and I honestly answered, “no.” I was glad that my memory only held onto the positive interactions I’d had with that person.

One experience I do remember quite clearly that has shaped who I am today happened when I was about 16 years old. I was having a particularly hard time dealing with all of the social issues that come with high school, friendship, boyfriends etc. I was at one of my friend’s homes and talked a little about this with his mom Kim. I don’t know if she remembers doing this for me or not, but it has had a huge impact on my life. She was very understanding and comforting as I told her of my troubles. She wrote down a quote for me on a little piece of paper and I carried it with me in my wallet for years. It read:

“The way people treat me has more to do with them than me.”

This simple yet profound statement helped me keep perspective in many situations. Instead of being offended or carrying anger when someone treats me badly, I have memorized this line and repeat it to myself when I’m dealing with a tired toddler, a bad driver, a cranky postal worker, etc. In a way, it could be seen as a judgmental statement like “that’s your problem,” but I see it more as a way to bring empathy into the experience and try to see why the person is acting the way they do. I’m still working on getting forgiveness to be second nature, but this is a good start.