But That’s Not Fun!
Recently it has come to my attention that our older children have little concept of what it means to work. On Saturday, they were asking what fun thing we would do that day, and when I answered that today we were catching up on work around the house- I was met with moans and whines, “but Mom, Saturday is supposed to be a fun family day!” How did this happen? How is it that my children are expecting to be entertained all of the time, and have to be lectured and prodded and bribed every time there is work to be done? I suppose a certain amount of that is typical, and don’t get me wrong, they are good kids, but I had reached a point of serious frustration. How are these kids going to grow up and make their own way in the world? Isn’t that one of my principle jobs as a parent? I tried to explain that my job is to teach them how to work so they can grow up and live on their own. To which I get the answer: “you’re mean.”
Shortly after this conversation with the kids I went and vented to my sweet husband. He told me he would take care of things and I went to take a shower. As I was gathering my things I heard him sit the kids down and start logically explaining why it’s important to help out and that today would be a work day. He was about twenty seconds in when one child, who shall remain nameless, interrupted and said with a sigh, “Is your speech over yet?” Well, that was the end of nice, logical Daddy, and I had to laugh because he was taking over so I wouldn’t lose my temper. I heard in a very loud voice, “Your day is over!” followed by tears from all of the kids. And then it really became a workday. They did one job after another all day long until dinner time.
I tried to start a chore chart and it hasn’t gone well. After school there just isn’t much time after homework and classes to do much else. I feel a little guilty too because I want them to have some free time to just play. I have found myself being more of a nag than before, and the kids are still resisting. Please, if you have any ideas for chore solutions tell me! I want them to have regular responsibilities and feel that they not only contribute, but are a necessary part of the family.
This is definately a hard lesson. There is an German lady in my ward to told me one time, “always let them help, even if it takes longer” so my boy currently like laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, however, Griffin has started to realize that it’s not fun. I think that all kids go through this realization stage. I’m sure they’ll come round. If mine don’t by age 10 I’m sending them to the ranch in Montana every summer until they’re 18! That’ll teach ’em.
Amy this all sounds too familiar. My kids are the same. They expect money or a treat after everything they do. I would LOVE for them to help without a fight. Job charts haven’t gone well for us either. When you find answers I would LOVE to hear them. My kids are willing to help one day but not the next. I am OK with some reward but not every time the lift a finger. I need to find a balance.
I am very sorry to say, it’s 1000 times worse with teenagers in some ways too. All of my children have chores everyday after school, and we try to switch up their jobs each time so they are doing something different each day, but not always. The whining, fussing, and dragging of the feet is not ordinary, and it’s like pulling teeth, no matter which child, or which age I am dealing with. They just don’t want to do chores. Gracen is my only happy helper, the rest, run away. Amy, don’t worry, we are all right there with you, and I am still trying to come up with a solution to make things easier. I remember my Dad making a list of “Stewardships” for us, and to this day I still hate to even think about it. I hated it, and no matter what title he gave it, I didn’t want to do it. And your kids sound just like my kids, so know that they are 100% normal. And I too struggle with wanting them to have their free time to play, but to also teach them responsibility, a good work ethic, and what it means to be a part of the family. And they all think I’m “mean” too.
I have only recently started including Holden in chores and it seems to be going pretty well. I am concerned, however, about all of these reports of children hating chores they once enjoyed doing, making themselves scarce and demanding rewards. Is this what I have to look forward to? Liv is a very willing helper and loves her “responsibilities” but now I wonder, how long will it last?
not nearly long enough!
I can’t believe my own wife busted me. Oh, the facade is slipping away. At least nobody knows about the nose picking. I mean… the NOT nose picking. Go away!
Wow I don’t know how I got here but since I did I will throw in my two bits as well. Work… your stories sound familiar to me too. Children are work. But what kind of work, begrudging, joyous, repetitious, dirty messy, happy, changing, hard, easy, thinking, physical, emotional, enlightening, confining, but work nevertheless. That you are willing to take it on willingly day in and day out is a lesson in itself. Whatever you come up with or was used in your own families or worked for you or someone shows you good examples will be different for us all but the underlying doctrine that our children feel will be that someone cares for them enough to try to teach them that which they do not know now will eventually be a blessing in their life. And speaking of underlying doctrine which is always intrinsic to my thinking nowadays, first I think you must first decide what do you really want. A home that is impressive to other people or a family that is functioning and working for you in a way that is benefiting your own family. So I am thinking that a level of understanding of what do I really want to accomplish with my family and then thinking out a way or ways (which takes a lot of work on our part first) will help avoid a lot of chaotic outbursts of frenzied angry activity which often replaces constructive work. But the feelings of a job well done or of learning how to even want to do a job well done will take work on our part. Still find the best examples every single time in the scripture stories. Nephi building a ship… details of how that was accomplished. Preparing for war… (somehow seems very apropos) Moroni the 16 year old general… 16 years old… The more intimately I am acquainted with the very fine details of stories in the scriptures or our own family history sometimes I find the Lord is able to use them to help me when I want to teach something off the cuff or just as we are driving or when we are working together on something to finish it to the end. I also never ask them to do something that I am not also willing to do. Sometimes I will do some of their work for them because I want to serve them. Reporting back on assignments when they are done also has been a great boon to getting things done. I know you all will have so many other and innovative ways of instilling the work ethic in your children and look forward to reading about them but I believe the greatest task in teaching your children is first your simply taking on the task… willingly.
I laughed and laughed at this story. We always had chores, and most of them were not fun. My grandpa said “That’s why they call it work.”
When I was a boy we lived on a chicken farm. It had an assortment of hen houses built from different designs, and one of these was the “B” house that had large pens for chickens, suspended over an area for droppings. The pens were too deep for adults to reach those stubborn eggs that wouldn’t roll forward to the collection area, so my job at the age of 3 and 4 was to get up in the pens with the chickens and collect the eggs in B house. Fortunately, or maybe not, when I outgrew that job, I was promoted to cleaning manure… Life always smelled better up above with the chickens, than working down below them. It must be great being a city kid, I thought.