To Mothers of Young Children

I absolutely loved the talk given by Elder Ballard at the last general conference. He spoke of mothers and gave encouragement and advice for them (and also fathers) of young children. Often times our church is presented as having a low regard for women and an expectation of perfection and complete submission without questions. I have always thought this an extremely inaccurate and ignorant view of our beliefs, and this talk expresses my beliefs on parenting, and particularly motherhood:

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family… What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being.

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult… There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives.

As a Church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve…

What We Can Do

From Elder Ballard’s address “Daughters of God”

What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “… I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed… One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week… She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.

Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. … Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.

Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all.

What Children and the Church Can Do

From Elder Ballard’s address “Daughters of God”

What can children, even young children, do? …

You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.

Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.

What can the Church do?

There are many things the Church offers to mothers and families, …Know them and be wise in what you ask them to do at this time in their lives…

I hope all of you dear sisters, married or single, never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church. We love you. We respect you and appreciate your influence in preserving the family and assisting with the growth and the spiritual vitality of the Church. Let us remember that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). The scriptures and the teachings of the prophets and apostles help all family members to prepare together now to be together through all eternity. I pray that God will continually bless the women of the Church to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God.

…Jesus is the Christ and this is His Church. We are doing His work…

A President’s Wisdom

I have long admired Abraham Lincoln, and was reminded of the many words of wisdom he left behind while looking through Whitebinder. In seventh grade I memorized the Gettysburg Address, and have always remembered it as being such a strong yet emotional speech. In eighth grade I toured Washington DC with my class and loved the Lincoln Memorial. It is beautiful, peaceful, powerful, and to me Abraham Lincoln sitting in that large chair is the epitome of presidential. In 2003 our family visited Washington DC and I took this picture of Hunter and Emma.

Here are some of my favorite quotes attributed to Mr. Lincoln:

“Surely God would not have created such a being as man, with an ability to grasp the infinite, to exist only for a day! No, no, man was made for immortality.”

“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.”

“If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six hours sharpening my ax.”

“Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

“The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. Plainly, the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of liberty.”

Happy Easter!

Here are some pictures of our family on this beautiful, warm Easter Sunday.  I thought it would be nice to include a little about what we are thinking about on this holiday:

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0vQZQieI-I

Happiness At Harvard

At Harvard University one of the most popular classes on campus is one called “Positive Psychology.” Taught by Tal Ben-Shahar, it focuses on what makes people happy. These are six of his tips for happiness that I found in an NPR article by Tovia Smith.I think it is fascinating that people (me included) are so interested in figuring out the key to happiness. As if there were some magic recipe that if we all follow it exactly then ta-da! we are living in bliss. It seems like a lot of common sense and the thing that I notice is that it requires an effort and conscious decision on our part. There is no sitting back and waiting for happiness to arrive. We decide if we are going to track happiness down and invite it into our lives.

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them.

2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on… and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.

5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don’t do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.

6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.