A Positive Reality Show

I have had my fill of most reality shows.  I stopped watching Dr. Phil years ago because it was just too sad to see all of the messed up families and individuals on the show.  And last time I saw part of Wife Swap it was all about creating conflict and peeking in on dysfunctional families. I think partly because I studied human development, but mostly because I have a family of my own, I am excited about this new show that airs for the first time on September 28th.  It will focus on real families and real problems, and provide some real answers to help us as we try to raise our family to be happy and successful.  If you get KBYU check it out and let me know what you think.

Real Families, Real Answers

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU4MTl4FN84

My Little Ones

When Hannah was at preschool, Sabrina and I were playing in the backyard playhouse.  I was crouched over in a little chair listening to her chat away on her play cell-phone.

“Who are you talking to Brina?”

“Hannah”

“Oh”

“How is your school?…. Oh, I just playing Barbies with Mommy… Have fun time, I love you… bye!”

Earlier today, the little girls were having a cute exchange about their names:

“I Brina Bel, and you Hannah Brook-in”

“Yes, I’m Hannah Brooklyn, and you Brina Bel. Nana told me my name.” (Over a year ago my mom had a discussion with Hannah about how she got her middle name.  She was named after the place both of my mom’s parents were raised, Brooklyn, NY.)

Moments like this are what makes parenting so wonderful.

Protecting Marriage to Protect Children

This article written by David Blankenhorn (a democrat, by the way) appeared in the New York Times. I meant to just copy over the best points, but the whole thing is great, so most of it is here:

In all societies, marriage shapes the rights and obligations of parenthood…

…marriage is a gift that society bestows on its next generation. Marriage (and only marriage) unites the three core dimensions of parenthood — biological, social and legal — into one pro-child form: the married couple. Marriage says to a child: The man and the woman whose sexual union made you will also be there to love and raise you. Marriage says to society as a whole: For every child born, there is a recognized mother and a father, accountable to the child and to each other…

…The philosopher and Nobel laureate Bertrand Russell, certainly no friend of conventional sexual morality, was only repeating the obvious a few decades earlier when he concluded that “it is through children alone that sexual relations become important to society, and worthy to be taken cognizance of by a legal institution.”

…a team of researchers from Child Trends, a nonpartisan research center, reported that “family structure clearly matters for children, and the family structure that helps children the most is a family headed by two biological parents in a low-conflict marriage…”

…children have the right, insofar as society can make it possible, to know and to be cared for by the two parents who brought them into this world. The foundational human rights document in the world today regarding children, the 1989 U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child, specifically guarantees children this right.

…For me, what we are encouraged or permitted to say, or not say, to one another about what our society owes its children is crucially important in the debate over initiatives like California’s Proposition 8, which would reinstate marriage’s customary man-woman form. Do you think that every child deserves his mother and father, with adoption available for those children whose natural parents cannot care for them? Do you suspect that fathers and mothers are different from one another? Do you imagine that biological ties matter to children? How many parents per child is best? Do you think that “two” is a better answer than one, three, four or whatever? If you do, be careful. In making the case for same-sex marriage, more than a few grown-ups will be quite willing to question your integrity and goodwill. Children, of course, are rarely consulted.

The liberal philosopher Isaiah Berlin famously argued that, in many cases, the real conflict we face is not good versus bad but good versus good. Reducing homophobia is good. Protecting the birthright of the child is good. How should we reason together as a society when these two good things conflict?

Here is my reasoning. I reject homophobia and believe in the equal dignity of gay and lesbian love. Because I also believe with all my heart in the right of the child to the mother and father who made her, I believe that we as a society should seek to maintain and to strengthen the only human institution — marriage — that is specifically intended to safeguard that right and make it real for our children.

Legalized same-sex marriage almost certainly benefits those same-sex couples who choose to marry, as well as the children being raised in those homes. But changing the meaning of marriage to accommodate homosexual orientation further and perhaps definitively undermines for all of us the very thing — the gift, the birthright — that is marriage’s most distinctive contribution to human society. That’s a change that, in the final analysis, I cannot support.

Entitlement

So, did you hear about the government bailout of AIG?  I’m no economist, and don’t know much about Wall Street, but even I could see this disaster coming. My theory is that it all has to do with the pervasive feeling of entitlement in our country.  I am a part of it too, thinking things like, “I’ve been married for 12 years and have 4 children, don’t I deserve to own my home?” or “This old mini van is looking so ghetto next to the nice Odysseys and Siennas. I should really get a new one.” Or even the smaller ones I actually give in to like, “This sweater is so cute, and it’s on sale.  I’ll just put it on my credit card.” Now excuse me while I vent:

Several years ago when Rob finished law school and we moved to LA for his job, we were astounded at the cost of housing.  There was no way we could buy in a market where small 3 bedroom/1 bath homes were selling for $720,000 and up. So we found a home to rent that was three bedrooms and one bath.  It was a downsize from what we were able to have as students in North Carolina and we couldn’t help but notice the irony in that.  Wasn’t that education he just put in supposed to improve our lifestyle?

Well, after about a year in that house the owners told us they were planning to sell the home, and offered us first dibs. We had no money for a down payment, and were already paying mortgage sized payments on our student loans. The mortgage agent we worked with said he could get us a crazy loan for 90% of the price where we paid less than the interest and then for the remaining thousands we could find an individual who would loan us money.  Apparently there were guys out doing that sort of thing working in conjunction with the mortgage banks. We liked the little house which we were close to outgrowing already, and had a great school and awesome neighbors. We were aching to own this home. The agents asked if we happened to have a rich uncle we could borrow from for a down payment or an inheritance we could collect early.  Both answers were big fat “NOs.”  The  price tag was just too high for us to pull off. We looked around the housing market and said to each other, “Who is buying at these prices? And who is giving them the loans to do it? There is no way people are going to be able to pay those banks back.” It was so frustrating to have put in so much work on education, and get a great paying job, only to be stuck as renters, but we moved into another rental house.

That house was one that the owners bought simply to fix up and flip.  But by the time they got in there and fixed up all of the outward cosmetics, they had spent another $100,000.  Now they were stuck with a huge mortgage and a house that was overpriced.  We offered to rent it out while we looked for a bargain house to buy.  It all turned out for the best for us because it wasn’t long after moving into that home that Rob found a new job in Orange County.  The home prices are just as ridiculous here and we are still renting. I can’t help but feel like those of us who work hard and deal honestly are being punished and paying for (literally) the mistakes of the foolish.

Now that the market is “softening” we are still unable to buy because we still have no down payment and the banks are getting strict on loans (finally).  Now they are actually verifying your income and stuff like that (Grrrr). So why do these banks that willingly gave risky loans to people being bailed out now?  And more importantly, what are we teaching the rising generation about accountability?  There is something wrong when a person feels no guilt about getting themselves into a financial mess and then just walks away saying something like, “but we have no money to pay!” expecting someone else to clean up after them. Remember when all of the department stores had layaway counters? You never see those now, because nobody has to wait for anything. The message seems to be, “Do whatever you want, buy whatever you ‘need’ and someone will come to bail you out eventually.” What happened to “you made your bed now sleep in it!”

Eight is Great

Happy Birthday to our Emma Elisabeth!  We love you sweetie.

Emma is a wonderful sister and friend.  She is always adored by her teachers because of her positive attitude and willingness to help in class.  Emma loves to be happy and make other people happy.  She is adventurous and loves to read the American Girl books.  She is energetic, fun and always ready to give out hugs. Her favorite foods are pizza and crepes, and today we had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast at her request. Emma wishes that she could have a puppy for a pet, but Mom and Dad are too mean and always say no.  Her favorite colors are pink and purple and she loves the new quilt Nana made for her bed using bright colors and a black & white theme.

We will be spending the afternoon at Disneyland and we are all so excited to celebrate with her today. We love you M-n-M!

Here’s my chance to share an old photo of Emma all dressed up for Halloween when she was 3 years old!

Disneyland Slideshow

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7YaV9ZGUIY

Going back in time a little: Rob put together this slideshow from the pictures off our camera and my dad’s.  I just love it!

Hunter and Emma Blogs

Hunter and Emma both updated their blogs over the weekend.  If you have a second, take a peek at what they’ve been thinking about.