Honorable, Happy, Successful Marriage

Before continuing on with my “how we met story” I thought it appropriate to take a break and share a lesson from church about having a successful marriage. I read through the lesson yesterday thinking it would be today’s presentation at church. Fortunately for me, things were rearranged so it will be next week. I spent that time in the nursery with Sabrina this week, so I missed today’s class. (Sabrina has been in the nursery class for a few weeks now, and I think we may be able to leave her there soon without too much fuss. So far she has liked having a parent as a wall flower, Just so she feels safe. We don’t mind though, she’s so cute!)

I loved this lesson from Spencer W Kimball. He is very straightforward and there are so many things in here that I think everyone contemplating marriage should read. And of course those of us who are already married should read through it and take a personal inventory.

“Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations…

Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage is not a legal coverall, but it means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all…

The mere performance of a ceremony does not bring happiness and a successful marriage. Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money; it cannot be taken for nothing.

Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness…

Two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced. There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Responsibility must be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be relinquished, and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.

One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues which were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses which seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizable proportions. The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning…

Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. …Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.

There is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. The selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two.

In a marriage commenced and based upon reasonable standards …, there are not combinations of power which can destroy it except the power within either or both of the spouses themselves; and they must assume the responsibility generally. Other people and agencies may influence for good or bad. Financial, social, political, and other situations may seem to have a bearing; but the marriage depends first and always on the two spouses who can always make their marriage successful and happy if they are determined, unselfish, and righteous.

The formula is simple; the ingredients are few, though there are many amplifications of each.

First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. And then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

With these ingredients properly mixed and continually kept functioning, it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur.”

Lucky for me I am in what I consider to be a happy, successful marriage! Reading through this lesson I have seen several areas that I can improve on though. Maybe one of the easier ones would be starting with a better system for date nights. The problem is that I don’t plan ahead and get a sitter. There has been a lot of talk in my circle about date night swaps. I may have to get in on that!

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A Very Merry Unbirthday

This messes things up a bit as far as dates go, but I just had to do a post about the Unbirthday Party we had with the cousins in Utah. We never get to celebrate with any of them because we are so far away, so I thought it would be fun to throw a party and celebrate with everyone at once. Melanie made a fancy cake and cupcakes, Heidi brought a delicious desserty fruit salad, Korby brought pinatas and goody bags, and Heather drove the 45 minutes with her 7 kids to be there too! We had a picnic dinner and the kids played in the park in between eating, hitting the pinatas, and opening presents. It was so much fun! Adler got stomp rockets that the kids had to try out right then, and we had a couple of rescue missions to get them off of roofs and out of trees. We’ll have to do it again!

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Setting Up for the Reception

On the day before Matt and Ashley’s wedding, all of the families came together for the setup in my parents’ back yard. Everyone worked really hard including Hunter who strung up lights with the guys, and Emma who was Nana’s “personal assistant.”

Matt and Ashley had a blast putting up the umbrella lights

 

Nana was supposed to be sitting in that wheelchair since she had two swollen ankles from her fall, but just couldn’t help herself

 

The kids kept busy with the bowling game in the entryway

 

Melissa and Emma frosting mini cupcakes

 

Centerpieces for the tables in the yard

 

Ashley’s Dad and brother Brady stringing up lights

 

Nana and Kate enjoying the yard after dinner

 

Hannah and Sabrina put on a hula dance show after dark

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Dress Rehearsal

After many hours at the sewing machine, help in pattern reading from Heather and several calls to Mom, I have finished the dresses for the wedding! Sabrina’s is one that Heather gave to me, I added a belt and a bow and it works out so nicely! I don’t think I would have had the patience or time to make one for her too. I took pictures to get a feel for how the dresses and bows will look on the big day. I still need to attach the belts for Emma’s and Hannah’s dresses, and hair isn’t done so the look isn’t quite as crisp as it will be on the big day. We are so excited for Matt and Ashley and are preparing for our last road trip of the summer, whew!

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Disneyland ’07

We had such a fun, hot, full, exhausting day at Disneyland yesterday! Rob was able to get a small discount through his office so we went for the park hopper passes. That meant we could also spend some time at California Adventure. I was very ready for a long miserable time in the lines. After all it was Disneyland in August, the height of the tourist season, on a Saturday.

We were surprised that it wasn’t nearly as bad as we had feared. There was a constant line at the new Finding Nemo submarine ride, and it was a 2 hour wait both times we checked in on it. It wouldn’t be worth it, especially in 95 degree weather with humidity that reminded us of North Carolina. So maybe next time. We did however hit a whole lot of other rides: Splash Mountain (my favorite of the day), tea cups, Mr Toad’s Wild Ride, Carousel, Toon Town, Small World, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Honey I Shrunk the Audience… etc, etc.

The highlight of the day for Sabrina seemed to be at lunch when a worker bee was hunting for food at our table. She loved the little bug, and kept laughing and trying to catch him as both Emma and Ciel squirmed and swished their hands quickly whenever it came near. She’s got a strong beekeeper’s gene from both sides of the family and it was fun to watch her enjoying the bees. Maybe we’ll get her a beehive for her second birthday 🙂

Ciel had a great time on her first visit to the park, and she seemed so happy walking around in her pirate goofy hat all day! Emma and Hunter kept arguing over who would sit next to her on the rides, so she was a popular addition to the family!

We walked over to California Adventure at dinner time and it was so empty! We loved it because there were no crowds to navigate through and no lines. A Bug’s Land was a great area with lots of rides that we could take everyone on including Sabrina. And the best part of all was literally no waiting! Amazing!

We did have a little trouble at the Ferris Wheel that was a much longer wait than anticipated so unfortunately those waiting for it missed the Electric parade. Hannah, Sabrina and I were able to catch most of it, and Hannah waved at the characters the whole time and just loved the princesses. Especially Cinderella and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. After the parade we went back to Disneyland and caught the last of the fireworks show and hit one last ride. By then it was almost 11:00 so we packed it up and headed home. This morning it was tough to get up for 9:00 am church, but we made it, and on time too!

Everyone had such a blast and I hope there were lots of good memories for the kids!

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Utah Visit Part 1: Cousins!

Our kids were in cousin heaven on our trip to Utah! There are 15 cousins to play with when we all get together. There were visits to cousins houses, gatherings at Mammy & Pappy’s condo (I’m sure their neighbors just love us), a field trip to an indoor Soft Playground, sharing slushies from Mark & Mel’s “Slushy Kingdom” and rides in the big white 15 passenger van. And this is just part one!

Rob and I had a great time chatting and catching up with everyone while the kids played, and the week just flew by. We’re so glad we made the trip, and tried to brainwash all the kids into begging their parents to come visit us next. Click here for the complete set of photos from part one!

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