To Be A Daughter of God

Today I gave a talk in sacrament meeting at church.  The topic I was given was “Daughters of God,” and I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should say to the congregation.  It was difficult for me to approach a subject on a specific group of people so that it would hold the interest of everyone.  I was so nervous, literally shaking as I spoke and afterwards it took almost an hour to calm down from the knots I had twisting in my stomach, but I think it went well, and I’m happy with it. Here it is:

Last fast Sunday I didn’t really feel strongly about anything I should fast and pray about, so I asked Heavenly Father to tell me what I should be thinking and praying about.  After church I got a phone call asking me to talk in sacrament meeting and knew that Heavenly Father had answered my prayer.  When I was told that the topic for my talk today was Elder Ballard’s talk from conference “Daughters of God,” I felt relieved because I love this talk.  I even did a series of posts quoting it on my blog.  Preparing for today has given me the chance to gain a stronger testimony of this topic. I will also be referencing Elder Ballard’s address “Women of Righteousness” given at BYU in 2001.  Elder Ballard has five daughters and 22 granddaughters, and has some wonderful things to say about women, so I will be quoting him a lot. President Hinckley gave a talk, “The Women in Our Lives” shortly after the passing of his wife, so he had some touching things to say as well. I prepared this talk to apply to us all, so don’t tune out quite yet brothers…

As a teenager I thought that my mother’s attempts at teaching me homemaking skills were silly.  I didn’t really want to know how to cook, garden, clean, sew, or babysit.  I did some babysitting to earn money, and I liked little kids well enough, but didn’t flock to the new babies in the ward like some of the other young women.  I fought to be free from a future stereotypical “Mormon Mom” role.

As I ventured off to college I was grateful for the cooking lessons and for the chores I had been given so that my adjustment to life on my own wasn’t quite so traumatic.  I knew I wanted to get married and have children, but didn’t really know all that much about what it would mean.  When I was at BYU I met and married my awesome husband Rob. Two years after we married, Hunter was born and I jumped into the full-time world of mother.  I still cringed when we bought our mini-van, seeing it as a symbol of my mom-ness, and although I have come to enjoy some crafting and sewing, I don’t think I will ever enjoy cooking.  But let me share with you some things I have learned about my role as a daughter of God:

In Genesis we read about the creation of heaven and earth. Each part having its complimentary mate: Light and dark, water and land, vegetation and animals, followed by the creation of a man, Adam.  But this was not the end of God’s creation.  He saved for last as President Hinckley called it, the “grand summation of all of the marvelous work that had gone before.” —Eve

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman.” (Gen 2:20-23)

So what is it that makes the daughters of God so important? I tend to follow the theory that those things that are most threatening to the causes of Satan are those that he fights hardest against. I believe that women, and especially  young women, are right at the top of his list.  Because of that, Elder Ballard gave a special warning directed specifically to the young women of the church.  He said:

“Satan would have you dress, talk, and behave in unnatural and destructive ways in your relationships with young men. The adversary is having a heyday distorting attitudes about gender and roles and about families and individual worth. He is the author of mass confusion about the value, the role, the contribution, and the unique nature of women…

My dear sisters, we believe in you. We believe in and are counting on your goodness and your strength, your propensity for virtue and valor, your kindness and courage, your strength and resilience. We believe in your mission as women of God… the Church simply will not accomplish what it must without your faith and faithfulness, your innate tendency to put the well-being of others ahead of your own, and your spiritual strength and tenacity…

Satan’s plan is to get you so preoccupied with the world’s glitzy lie about women that you completely miss what you have come here to do and to become. Remember, he wants us to “be miserable like unto himself” (2 Ne. 2:27). Never lose your precious identity by doing anything that would jeopardize the promised eternal future your Heavenly Father has provided for you.”

Elder Ballard then explains what the Lord expects of the young men.  He said:

“Young men, lest you get too comfortable while I focus on the women, you have a significant role in all of this… Let the women in your life know that you want them to be women of God and not women of the world. Of you the Lord expects protection and safety for His daughters.”

As you young women grow towards adulthood, remember another point of Elder Ballard’s: “motherhood and marital status are not the only measures of a woman’s worth. Some women do not have the privilege of marrying or rearing children in this life. Yet if they are worthy, these blessings will come later. Men and women who do have the privilege of rearing children will of course be held accountable for that priceless, eternal stewardship… Every righteous man and woman has a significant role to play in the onward march of the kingdom of God.”

These words are similar to those in The Proclamation on the Family which we have been discussing so much recently.  With the upcoming vote on Prop 8, I am more convinced than ever, that the Lord’s plan is for us to live in families where fathers and mothers work together to raise children.
Referring back to God’s creation, President Hinckley stated:

“In His grand design, when God first created man, He created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11).

There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other.

… Every woman is a daughter of God. You cannot offend her without offending Him. I plead with the men of this Church to look for and nurture the divinity that lies within their companions. To the degree that happens, there will be harmony, peace, enrichment of family life, nurturing love.”

With the union of man and woman in marriage often children follow.  Last week in testimony meeting when two speakers expressed their gratitude for the young parents in our ward I was reminded of these words from Elder Ballard:

“I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being.

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult… There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made.”

I have felt the joys and frustrations many times, and find comfort in knowing that it is normal.  The other night our family was out bowling together.  There were spilled drinks, one little girl that didn’t make it to the potty in time, smeared pizza, and gutter balls (I think I may need to try out those bumpers next time).  But we also celebrated strikes, laughed, high fived each other, and melted when Hannah said, “Daddy you know what? I just love you.”

Because it is easy to get overwhelmed, Elder Ballard then offers tips to mothers for enjoying our families more:

1. Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments
2. Don’t over schedule yourselves or your children – Families need unstructured time to listen, laugh, and play together
3. Find time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests… Make time for them.
4. Pray, study, and teach the gospel.

To the primary children, (and the older ones too) some things you can do to help your mothers are:

1. Pick up your toys, and help with chores without being asked.  When Emma or Hunter do their chores without needing reminders, I feel so happy.
2. Say thank you more often.  The other night while we were eating dinner, Sabrina said out of the blue, “Thank you my dinner Mommy.”
3. Hug your mother and tell her you love her.

The things you children do for us moms make us feel so nice…

Even with the love and encouragement of our family and friends, women tend to feel that our intangible virtues mixed with the sometimes mundane tasks of mothering are difficult to appreciate. I know I do. So we often put pressure on ourselves to do more and be more. Elder Ballard received a letter from a mother who wrote:

“I have a wonderful husband and children, whom I love deeply. I love the Lord and His Church more than I can say. I know the Church is true! I realize I shouldn’t feel discouraged about who I am. Yet I have been going through an identity crisis most of my life. I have never dared utter these feelings out loud but have hidden them behind the huge, confident smile I wear to church every week. For years I have doubted if I had any value beyond my roles as a wife and mother. I have feared that men are that they might have joy, but that women are that they might be overlooked. I long to feel that I, as a woman, matter to the Lord.”

Elder Ballard then asked:

“Does the Lord respect women? Do women matter to the Lord? The answer is yes—a resounding yes!…

At this point you may be thinking, “…I’m just regular, plain old me. Is there something about my contribution that is significant to the Lord? Does He really need me?” Remember, the righteous who are not highly visible are valued too and, in the words of a Book of Mormon prophet, are “no less serviceable unto the people” (Alma 48:19).

Elder Ballard goes on to explain, “Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God…

“Between now and the day the Lord comes again, He needs women in every family, in every ward, in every community, in every nation who will step forward in righteousness and say by their words and their actions, “Here am I, send me.”

My question (this is Elder Ballard’s question) is, “Will you be one of those women? And will you men who hold the priesthood answer the same call?”  Now, I know most of you want to. But how will you do it? How, in a world filled with deceptive messages about women and the family—and the significance of both to the Lord—will you perpetually respond to the Lord, “Here am I, send me”?

For those who really want to live up to who you are, I have two suggestions: First, listen to and follow those whom we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators. Second, learn to hear the voice of the Spirit, or the voice of the Lord as communicated by the power of the Holy Ghost…

We need women who can hear and who will respond to the voice of the Lord, women who at all costs will defend and protect the family. We don’t need women who want to be like men, sound like men, dress like men…, or act like men. We do need women who rejoice in their womanhood and have a spiritual confirmation of their identity, their value, and their eternal destiny. Above all, we need women who will stand up for truth and righteousness and decry evil at every turn and simply say, “Lord, here am I, send me.”

It is my testimony that the daughters of God have special talents and gifts that can change the world.  We can start within our own families and communities by embracing these virtues and using them as an influence for good. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I love that He has created men and women to complement each other, not compete with one another.  Our attributes are different, but our purpose is the same.  I love that He has provided a clear path, though sometimes difficult to maneuver, to return to Him again after this life.